Maintaining a Christ-Centered Marriage

Happily Ever After: Finding Grace in the Messes of Marriage ( https://a.co/d/0cFenv8c ) is a devotional book published by Desiring God that features contributions from various Christian leaders like John Piper and Francis Chan. The collection provides thirty daily readings designed to help couples navigate the inevitable "messes" of matrimony by relying on divine grace. Each entry explores theological themes such as sacrificial leadership, humble submission, and the importance of maintaining undivided devotion to God above the relationship itself. The authors emphasize that the primary purpose of a union is to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church to the world. Practical application is encouraged through "Talk about It" sections intended to spark meaningful dialogue between spouses. Ultimately, the source presents marriage as a sanctifying journey that prepares believers for their eternal future with their Creator.

 

 

Maintaining a Christ-Centered Marriage Study Guide

This study guide provides a comprehensive synthesis of the theological and practical frameworks presented in the initial chapters of Happily Ever After. The text explores the design, challenges, and ultimate purpose of marriage through the lens of Christian scripture and grace.

 

Core Philosophical Foundation

The overarching premise of the source context is that marriage is a "pointer and springboard" to a greater joy. While often perceived as a "once upon a time" storybook ending, the text argues that marriage between two sinners in a fallen world is actually a fresh beginning designed to prepare couples for the true "happily ever after"—the face-to-face meeting with Jesus Christ.

 

The Ultimate Goal of Marriage

According to the analysis provided by Francis Chan, the primary goal of marriage is not marriage itself. There is a risk within the church of overcompensating for high divorce rates by overemphasizing the institution of marriage beyond what Scripture dictates.

• The Risk of Self-Centeredness: Couples can become mission-focused or self-centered. When couples focus solely on enjoying or improving their marriage to the exclusion of serving God, they may become "worthless for kingdom purposes."
• Undivided Devotion: Drawing from 1 Corinthians 7:35, the goal for both singles and married couples is "undivided devotion to the Lord."
• Marriage as a Means: Marriage should be viewed as a means of improving one's devotion to Jesus, rather than viewing Jesus as a means to improve a marriage. It serves as a safeguard against sexual temptation that might otherwise destroy a believer’s effectiveness.

Christological Roles within Marriage

P.J. Tibayan outlines how the "stage of marriage" allows both husbands and wives to reflect Jesus Christ in unique, complementary ways.

 

The Role of the Husband

The husband is called to reflect the sacrificial love of Jesus.

• Sacrificial Love: To love is to "desire, plan, and act for the ultimate good of the beloved." This requires the husband to die to his own sin, selfishness, and personal interests to prioritize his wife's joy in God.
• Washing with the Word: Mimicking the refrain "It is written," the husband is responsible for his wife’s holiness. This involves reading the Bible with her, speaking God's words, and graciously rebuking sin while confessing his own.
• Leading and Initiating: The husband reflects Christ by taking the initiative in the relationship.

The Role of the Wife

The wife reflects Jesus through her response to leadership and her submission to authority.

• The Pattern of Christ: Just as Jesus is under the headship of the Father (1 Cor. 11:3) and was "obedient to the point of death," the wife reflects this divine humility by submitting to her husband's initiative.
• Submission with Exceptions: A wife follows her husband’s lead even when she prefers another way, except when his will would lead her into sin. In cases of sin, her resistance should be a "winsome call to repentance."
• Future Exaltation: The text suggests that just as God exalted Jesus for his submission, a persevering, godly wife will be rewarded and exalted, if not in this life, then in the judgment to come.

Navigating the Reality of Sin

The source context identifies sin as an active "intruder" and an "agent for change" within the marital union.

 

The Presence of the "Serpent"

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth highlights how the "serpent" from Genesis 3 attempts to separate what God has joined. The influence of the serpent is recognized in several specific behaviors:

• Prioritizing being "heard" over listening.
• Seeking to be "proven right" rather than being humble.
• Magnifying a spouse's shortcomings while remaining oblivious to one's own.
• Attempting to control the spouse or the outcome of decisions.
• Wresting the "staff" from the "shepherd’s" (husband's) hands.

Marriage as a Sanctifying Agent

Marshall Segal argues that while sin marred the original "utopian" marriage in Eden, it now serves a purpose in God's design for sanctification.

• Close Proximity: Marriage places two sinful people in close proximity with a covenant that prevents them from running away. This creates necessary tension and conflict.
• Eradicating Sin: A spouse is a "special agent for change" who loves enough to confront patterns of selfishness. If both partners desire God, the marriage becomes a primary tool for cultivating righteousness.

Theology of Intimacy and Sexuality

The text provides a distinctively Christian view of physical and emotional connection, contrasting it with secular perspectives.

 

The Ownership of Sex

John Piper asserts that sex belongs to believers because it belongs to God.

• Worship through Pleasure: The pleasures of sex are a gift to be received with thanksgiving. By remaining faithful, couples testify that the Giver of sex (God) is better than the gift itself.
• Prostitution of the Gift: When sex is used by those who do not know the truth or is removed from the "orbit of marriage," it is considered prostituted.
• The Supreme Christ: When Christ is supreme, all aspects of sex—including feasting, fasting, and abstinence—become expressions of worship.

The Five Facets of Intimacy

Josh Squires identifies five distinct types of intimacy necessary for a connected marriage:

1. Spiritual Intimacy: The "hub" of all other types. It is built through praying together, worshiping, and maintaining a shared "spiritual diet" of God's Word.
2. Recreational Intimacy: Shared activities and play. This is essential for enduring times of "tears and toil."
3. Intellectual Intimacy: Discussing shared topics of interest and exploring new "angles" of a spouse's thoughts.
4. Physical Intimacy: Includes sex but also non-sexual touch like hugging, holding hands, or cuddling. The text notes that men typically feel most connected through this facet.
5. Emotional Intimacy: Identifying with and sharing feelings rather than just ideas. This is generally where women feel most connected.

The Impact of the Gracious Wife

Douglas Wilson discusses the "superiority" of virtuous women and their impact on the household and society.

• Adorning the Husband: An "excellent wife" is described as the "crown of her husband." Her virtue and fear of God bring him honor.
• The Impossibility of Out-Giving: The text posits that a man cannot "out-give" his wife. If a man sacrifices himself for his wife as Christ did for the church, her response of virtue and strength returns to him "thirty, sixty, and one-hundred fold."

Glossary of Key Terms and Entities

• Covenant: The formal, binding agreement between spouses that provides the security needed to confront sin and pursue sanctification.
• Desiring God: The organization (founded by John Piper) and website (desiringGod.org) associated with the contributors and the publication of the devotions.
• Fallen Age: The current state of the world characterized by the presence of sin and the "hard realities" that affect human relationships.
• Headship: The leadership role assigned to the husband, modeled after Christ's relationship with the church and the Father's relationship with Christ.
• Sanctification: The ongoing process of being made holy and more like God, often facilitated through the challenges of the marital relationship.
• Submission: The act of a wife following her husband’s initiative and leadership as an act of devotion to the Lord, modeled after Christ’s submission to the Father.
• Talk about It: A specific section included at the end of each devotional reading designed to spark practical application and discussion between spouses.

Notable Contributors

• Francis Chan: Author of Crazy Love and pastor in San Francisco.
• John Piper: Founder of desiringGod.org and author of This Momentary Marriage.
• Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth: Founder of Revive Our Hearts, focused on biblical womanhood.
• Marshall Segal: Managing editor of desiringGod.org and author of Not Yet Married.
• David Mathis: Executive editor of desiringGod.org and author of Habits of Grace.
• Douglas Wilson: Pastor and author of Reforming Marriage.
• Josh Squires: Pastor of counseling and congregational care.